Take advantage of your disadvantages

“Take advantage of your disadvantages” that’s what someone said to me yesterday. What a stunning perspective!

I tend to give an overwhelming focus to my strengths in hopes of optimizing my performance in areas I already perform well in.

I do also pay mind to my shortcomings to grow, but never do I look at my deficits as areas that can already serve me as is.

What I’m trying to express is a bit confusing, but stay with me. I’ll give you an example.

So I have difficulties sleeping sometimes. A lot of the time. I never bothered with melatonin or other remedies because I still function well throughout the day, so there isn’t a pressing need for me to sleep soundly… I suppose from a biological perspective there are many needs so to speak, but I’m not going to get into that realm right now. I listen to my body, so if I feel good, I’m probably good.

Anyways, back to my point, I have trouble sleeping because my thoughts grow louder than the sound of the heater. For the longest, I dreaded this inconvenience, but I’ve had a recent change of perspective. My thoughts are quite incredible at nocturnal hours. I think of book plots, hit songs to ghostwrite, global sustainability solutions, & general ways to just dissolve subtle tensions in my life. It’s very much like a combination of cognitive and problem-solving dream theory, expect it happens while I’m bright-eyed and bushy-tailed (such an odd idiom, loolzz).

I’m going to now start paying more attention to these loud thoughts of mine. Better yet, I’ll keep a journal and lamp by my bedside so that I can jot down any novel idea that pays an unwarranted visit. I do somewhat worry that by putting the lamp on, my cortisol levels may spike, but why premeditate potential problems? I’ll address that later if need be.

I do acknowledge the evidence-based research to support recommendations of sleep, but at the same time, I want to explore my limits. Certain scholars and other brilliant minds are often known to have lower sleep quotas. Yeah sure, a slight wiring difference can account for needing less sleep, but more likely I think it has to do with the state of mind and quality of food we ingest. In feeding our bodies the right fuel and having a mentality less narrowed in on human limits, one could vastly expand their potential.

So while I can’t so easily suppress my consciousness in the hours designated for sleep, I can welcome these thoughts and make use of them, I can “take advantage of this disadvantage”. If I’m credited for some spectacular discovery in the next decade, I owe it to this shift in my perspective.

How will you seize the good in your inconveniences?

Bee

It is 2:38 am and I lay wide awake with thoughts sprinting across my mind. I don’t know if it’s the double shot espresso I had at 4 pm last afternoon, or if it’s the lack of control I now suddenly feel. Perhaps being on the second day of my mensuration cycle would have something to do with this too, but damn it, I hate attributing my inconsolable state to hormones, for if that’s all this is, then it’s a matter of a waiting till I come afloat rather than having a valid source to address and mend… right here, right now.

Overwhelmed is an understatement. Without disclosing too much, I must preface this by saying my dear companion is incredibly supportive. However, I still lay awake at what is now 2:41 am, overthinking it all, and frustrated with the fact that I can’t appease everyone in the process of this very particular journey.

I hope to look back in some years with the wisdom and newfound ability to better compartmentalize my emotions…to not take the visions of others so personally at the expense of how I want this carried through.

What is to be done when one party says this is how it must be done whilst the other says that’s not how they know it to be done?

What is to be done when the resolve you and your companion devise puts more responsibility on the both of you when beforehand you entrusted your mom to do the timely matters on your behalf?

What is to be done when you contemplate ivy garlands, songs for the playlist and questions to ask the man in charge of staging decor all in the span of 5 minutes like a madwoman?

What is to be done so that I no longer lay awake, at what is now 2:53 am.

**

Sometimes I share too much, and sometimes I don’t share enough.

Rather than worry yourself over the source of stress I vaguely allude to, just know that none of us have it perfectly together. We just make it work.

2:57 am. Good night?

Realistically speaking, these things are never easy, but they’re worth it in the end. I am grateful. In me, there is love.