Capable of producing wise words, but incapable of following them.

We become philosophers in someone else’s difficulty

but pity ourselves when guests leave the dinner party.

Too lonely for love.

Too busy for despair that could transform us.

It is 3:26 am, the birds are already in my backyard, and my fatigue headache is starting to kick in. I don’t want to get too into my emotions, people find that cringe innit. Ruts come and go, that is nothing new. But nowadays, the space between the ruts feels shorter. I’m not alone in these bouts of melancholy that have no traceable source. Many have shared that they feel the same. The intensified uncertainty of these times does not help, perhaps it is the shovel, creating the furrow for our indifference and anxious thoughts to lay.

I graduate this coming weekend. I’ve accomplished some things, but I know that these are not my doings. Reaching this point was by way of my facilitating circumstance. Did I work hard and make personal sacrifices? Yes of course, but still, I in no way feel like this was my doing. Hard work never felt like a choice, rather a compulsion. Forgoing events or parties never felt like a sacrifice, just natural, for my desires have always steered me in other directions. I did not have things handed to me, but in my mind, the difficulties and pleasures of the past four years have all felt so perfectly positioned in my journey, allowing me a circumstance to grow and realize parts of myself at a young age.

This is not how I imagined the occasion. My dad tried convincing me to partake in the virtual ceremony, he said, “do not rob yourself of your history”.  Although I decided not to participate, I penned his lesson in my journal.

Peace & Blessings,

Karima O.

“To distribute material possessions is to divide them. To distribute spiritual possessions is to multiply them.” -Josef Albers

My goals this Ramadan are few but optimal. There are just two.

1). To be mindful as I perform ablution 

• Rationale: Holistic cleanliness is highly regarded in Islam. Establishing the right mindset in bodily purification will transcend into spiritual purification as I ready myself to stand before God in prayer.

2). To use a Miswak before each prayer

• Rationale: The use of a Miswak before the prayer has been narrated to multiply the reward by 70 times (Abu Nu’aim in Kitabus Siwak; Targheeb vol.1 pg.168).

As you can see, these goals are not overly ambitious, but they are strategic. Consistency is key. In Sunan Ibn Mājah 4240 (It is deemed Sahih, an authentic source), Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace & blessings be upon him, said, “Take up good deeds only as much as you are able, for the best deeds are those done regularly even if they are few.”

I’m innately a dreamer, the overtly ambitious type. In ways, this temperament has done me some good, but in my spiritual endeavors, it has been stifling. My spiritual development processes are already vulnerable to many distractions. I know best concerning my environment and to what degree it is conducive to my spiritual aims. Lofty goals leave me with a lot of shortcomings. Prioritizing perceptible tactics will allow me to feel accomplished and thereby encouraged to do even more! So in actuality, I am not limiting myself, but instead, creating a healthy and approachable means of reaping the blessings of Ramadan. 

I pray that all those observing the month of Ramadan become more generous, grateful, empathetic, and disciplined. May kindness be our disposition and may our plights diminish. 

Peace and Blessings,

Karima O.

Beneficence does not always follow beneficent intentions. The difference to me between a subpar human and an exceptional one is that the later will not consider the decisions of another as a factor in their self-image, they are not so insecure. Their advice to you will not be on the terms that serve them. 

Below is an excerpt from a passage I read today.

“It is true that selfish people can be very attached to one or another person—e.g., a spouse or friend. But it seems that such a friendship could not be a friendship of the most morally excellent kind. The attachment or friendship would be too grounded in self-centered considerations. Thus, a selfish man could be very attached to his wife, dote on her, and in some ways do a lot for her. But this would not mean that he really cared for her, for her own sake. His behavior would be compatible with his caring for her, so to speak, for her willingness to serve him, to be at his command, to flatter his ego. His giving could be a minor concession for her serving him or even a further expression or assertion of his power over her and of her dependence on him. If he were truly selfish, then something like this would be the most likely explanation of his “beneficent” behavior. “

L.A. Blum, Friendship, Altruism, and Morality. ©1980 by Routledge & Kegan Paul.

Peace and Blessings,

Karima O.

As the year reaches la fin, I am satisfied with how I’ve grown. Notably, there are two points that I have consistently reflected upon throughout 2019 in efforts to enhance my candor and presence.

1. “A bad day for the ego is a good day for the soul”
2.  “Don’t greet people with your head but rather with your heart”

Understand that not everyone in your life will recognize your sincerity, some people are deluded by chronic skepticism and that is their prerogative. Don’t live to convince others of your goodness, if they can’t recognize it, they can miss out.  It is not your responsibility to prove anything about yourself to anyone. Just be.

In entering the new year, I want to work on solidifying my values such that I do not waver across my social circles. Overall, I’m consistently kind and respectful, but I’ve identified an area for growth.

It is embedded in most of us to please others to a certain extent. Such allows us to be more agreeable and socially accepted. In many cases, it is to our benefit, as the full truth can offend. For example, telling your colleague you like the color of their blouse is a safe part of the truth, and it’s perhaps best not to share that they should avoid wearing that material given the size of their sweat stains — you could if you were closer, but this is just your colleague and your upbringing has taught you discretion (i hope).

Anyhow, when sensitive topics arise in conversation…I don’t know, say of religion, politics, or anything personal, the answers I deliver depend on who I am speaking with. Are they liberal or conservative? Are they civil or offputting in their aggression? These factors influence how comfortable I feel in my expression… I  don’t quite like this.

In the new year, I am going to minimize the influence others have on the discourse of my expression. To do this, I will revisit all of my values and debate them with myself. I want to engage in the practice of formulating the opposition to some of my opinions,  not so that I can script a rebuttal, but rather that I may find knowledge gaps. I know some may argue that my approach is prone to confirmation bias, but it isn’t. I am not strictly seeking evidence to support my values, rather if I do reason to actually believe in something, that must not be the end, but rather an invitation to explore what I proclaim a stance on.

The productive conversation necessitates knowledge of what is being discussed. I’m a very emotional being and thus have PLENTY of emotional dialogues. This is primarily why I fall short. I’m all for the pathos, but ethos and logos need some attention too.  In 2020, I want more conversations infused with evidence.

Peace & Blessings,

Karima Osman

I’ve had so much on my mind, and there is a great deal of content that I have written, but they all remain in my drafts. So much of what I’ve been going through has involved other people… for better or worse, and altogether, it is best not to put it out there. Yes, I could keep things anonymous and distort details, but I can’t be bothered. I’ve moved on.

All the writing I’ve kept to myself isn’t in vain, It has served as a form of therapy. I looked into counseling twice in the last 5 months and never went through with it, but putting pen to paper is my shit, and it works!

I have made the intentional effort to make each and every day exciting in some fashion. On some days, that means getting an overpriced scoop of gelato, espresso flavored of course. On other days, that means going for a walk downtown with a world-renowned pianist who happened to be in town for Cecile McLorin Salvant’s show last Thursday… that whole encounter felt like I was in a movie & I don’t really feel like elaborating haha.

The world works in funny ways. I’ve been going out to dance more, meeting interesting people like seafood chefs or bouncers lol. I’ve also been keeping my nails painted and polished, toes too even though the old me wouldn’t bother in the colder months, for who can even see when I got boots on? No more of that though. New me puts in the extra time to stay on point for my own satisfaction, I have literally no one but myself to impress, and it feels damn good.

On another note, I really haven’t had dreams at night for the longest, so I’ve been doing brain research and listening to self-proclaimed lucid dreamers for how they hone in on the skill. Collectively, they advise people to journal first thing in the morning about what they can remember from their dreams.

How exactly am I suppose to do this when I dream of nothing? I don’t even see darkness or something I can describe, it is as though I never fall deep enough into sleep to exit the realm of consciousness. Well anyhow, I woke up at 5 this morning and sat at my desk, all I could write of was how I didn’t know how to dream… I think I wrote a random line or two of feeling full again, not of food, but of something. Not of happiness but of something along those lines, full of something good, I don’t know an exact word for it though.

…I daydream more than I should, maybe that depletes from what I have left for when it is night. I don’t know, I’ll keep at this journaling thing and see if and when a breakthrough happens.

Peace & Blessings,

Karima O.